I sleepily drift off,listening to the radio quietly humming. I cannot quite make out the station.How long did it take me to nod off? I am startled awake- it’s pitch dark and I forgot to switch on the lamp. My eyes can’t quite make out anything in the room. This is the type of darkness that swallows up its own shadow. I blink, blinking in the hope that my eyes will adjust and get accustomed to the darkness in the room. Nothing! It’s quiet, not even the sound of the occasional cricket can be heard. I move, trying to find my bearing, something moves, I cannot quite make it out, Jello-like, fleshy, dark,formless. I start to move but I am frozen, muscles in rigor mortis, I try blinking harder to wake up. I’m I still asleep? The darkness thickens, taking form. Strange!The form looks somewhat like me! Curiously, I lean in, my heart palpitates so loudly I can hear it in my ears. I lean in further, I blink, I turn, the form turns- mimicking me.I try sitting up and slapping my face into wakefulness-nothing happens. I’m panicking and tears sting my eyes- clearly I am now awake. The form that looks like me starts receding. I start towards it, and I fall.
I’m falling, tumbling through an emptiness,towards a blindingly bright light. Covering my eyes, I squint at the intensity of it. Nothing makes sense-all makes sense. My life is reflected before me, I move, my body is light, lighter than air. I’m looking at the familiar, everything is familiar and somehow it all makes sense, no more,no less. My life lived. I feel a jolt in my heart and realize my eyes are watery. My fingers trace the tears that are running unencumbered down my cheeks and I wipe them with the back of my hand. I experience acceptance, joy at life, the awareness of it all- the pain and as my mind tries to make sense of it all. I’m I dead? Why I’m I seeing this? I am panicking! Only death would explain all this; How did I die? Suddenly I tumble and hit something cold and I am jolted awake -I’m on the floor sweating. Laughing hysterically with fear and relief, I look at the clock- it’s 3 PM! I ease back onto the studio sofa shaking, grasping my paint brush tightly and with mad determination I turn back to the canvas and recall I had taken a break, waiting for the paint to dry. I have looked into the abyss and its stare. All is right with the world...
